HE SAID SHE SAID

Fiction writers often use flowery language when it comes to dialogue attribution.

“That sure was a big explosion!” yelled the police Captain.

“Who do you suppose did it?” smiled the investigator with surprise.

“I don’t know,” commented the Captain.

And so on.

I don’t like dialogue that is attributed with lines like “smiled”, “commented,” or other words that just clutter up what is being said.  The Captain can yell, yes, but the smiling and the commenting is overkill.

I prefer he said, she said.

In journalism, using the word “said” is plain and simple.  You don’t add any editorial bent by saying, “smiled the investigator…”  You just kill the dialogue with editorial judgment when you overdo the attribution.

I like to use the word “said,” and, in most dialogue exchanges, I don’t do any attribution at all.  If the reader is paying attention and has the scene in his head, he can follow along with just the dialogue—just like in real life.  (People don’t stop to attribute in real life and for dialogue to move along quickly, you cannot clutter it up with too much attribution.  Some is good, too much is bad.)

Here is a passage from Book Six (Knew You Before):

“Can you describe her?”

                “She’s young, like I said, in her twenties.  Her skin is flawless.  She has a very slender nose and she’s very pretty.  Her eyebrows accent her eyes and her eyes are large and piercing.”

                “What color?” 

                “Brown.”

                “And I see her mouth in a circle, when she screams, ‘Jacob’.  It’s burned into my brain.”

                “Who is she?” asked Wallace slowly.

                “I don’t know,” said Lauri.

                “You ever see her before?”

                “No.”

                “This is totally strange.  Two nights in a row,” said Wallace.  “Race?”

                “She’s American.”

                “No, I mean what ethnic race?”

                “She’s caucasian.”

                “What about Jacob?”

                “He’s a white man.  They’re both white.”

    “And her hair is brown?”

                “Yes, and his is sandy brown.”

                “This whole dream was in color?”

                “Totally.  Vivid.  Like it was real.  Like it was a movie and I was in it.  Seeing it through her eyes except at the very end where I see her face as she screams.”

LookForMeIWillFindYou.com